so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
