The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
