when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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