If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
