OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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