I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
so let's talk penis.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
