you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
