Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Will exercising make me less horny?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize