If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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