She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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