The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Randomize
