Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
sex in a hospital.. check
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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