i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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