This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
