tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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