i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
