let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
