We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
