oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
