he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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