I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
