I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize