Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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