On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
