TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
