u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
