You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
