I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Randomize
