omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
