yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
