PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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