you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
