he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
