If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
