So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
