I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Randomize
