I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
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