i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
