So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize