Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
