dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
