I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
