Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
