sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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