Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
