I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Everyone says I win the strip club
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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