I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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