I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
