I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
