I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
