if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
