Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
