she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
