My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
