We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Randomize
