can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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