Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
