my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
