is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
