I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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