I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
