god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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