you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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