He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize