i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize