Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Michael Bay diarrhea
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
