Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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