just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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